cartoon pig smiling
“It’s like the Parable of the Prodigal Son in the Gospel of Luke... But in this case it’s the beast/devil, because he masturbates them,” one priest described it.

First off, yes you read that headline right.

You might remember the Spanish bishop who left the Catholic Church to pursue a relationship with the author of Satanic erotica from earlier this year. Xavier Novell was considered a rising star within the Catholic Church in Spain and beyond before his abrupt - and controversial - leave of absence.

Now, in a very head-turning “where are they now,” Xavier Novell is reportedly in the pig semen business. Spanish media report that Novell is working at Semen Cardona, a pig semen exporting company. 

Unsurprisingly, not all his former colleagues approve of his newfound career path. 

A Different Prodigal Son

It’s unclear what Novell is doing at Semen Cardona, but some seem to believe he’s, um, on the front lines.

Clergy members accuse Novell of being “possessed” and express disbelief that someone could leave the church to start “masturbating pigs.”

 “It’s like the Parable of the Prodigal Son in the Gospel of Luke, the son who abandoned the Father to lead a debaucherous life, and ended up wishing to eat pig slop,” said a Spanish priest who knew Novell. “But in this case it’s the beast/devil, because he masturbates them.”

Clearly, they're not taking the news so well. But if he’s out of the church, should it really matter what Novell is doing for work? After all, it’s a dirty job… but someone’s gotta do it.

Exporting to 20 countries around the globe, Semen Cardona is a leading distributor in the world of pig semen, used to artificially inseminate livestock.

“We produce and distribute a highly specialised product, doses of porcine semen of the best genetics,” their website states. They are headquartered in Barcelona, but have 19 artificial insemination centers globally, and additional offices in both Mexico and the Philippines, and distribute some 3 million doses annually.

A Match Made in Hell

In case you missed out on the previous saga, here's a quick recap:

Xavier Novell was on a meteoric rise within the Catholic Church, becoming the youngest Spanish man to become a bishop in 2010, at the age of 41.

He’d met with Pope Francis several times already, and was the church’s top exorcist for the Catalonia region of Spain. Despite holding several controversial views, including being a proponent of conversion therapy, he was widely seen by colleagues as a man whose career was going places.

That all came to an abrupt end when he met Silvia Caballol. Novell resigned earlier this year, citing “personal reasons,” but the reason for his leaving soon became clear: Love.

Novell and Caballol met at a demonology workshop in 2015, and apparently stayed in contact throughout the years. She’s written several books, perhaps most famously The Hell of Gabriel’s Lust. Released in 2017, it’s described as “a journey into sadism, madness, and lust and a struggle between good and evil, God and Satan with a plot to shake one’s values and religious beliefs." The couple reportedly now live together in Catalonia.

What do you think? Is the former bishop’s newfound career proof of demonic influence? Or just proof that he needed a paycheck?

59 comments

  1. Shango MasterExorcist, D.D.'s Avatar Shango MasterExorcist, D.D.

    This is all completely normal. A non-story. People change professions all the time. This person probably is a professionally minded person, considering he only works with the highest quality pig semen. Anybody who has never worked on a farm might be unaware of the importance of the international pig semen business, and be surprised to learn something new.

    Maybe he will change profession yet again, "International Pig-Sememist becomes Politician"

  1. Douglas Robert Spindler's Avatar Douglas Robert Spindler

    There's a lot of money to be made with semen, it's a big business. As is human semen and human eggs. Wonder why he's not in the bull or horse semen end of things. Horse and bull semen are worth a lot of money.

    1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

      I'm in, Douglas! Where can I sell it? Put me down for three loads a day.

      1. Douglas Robert Spindler's Avatar Douglas Robert Spindler

        Women are paying $1,000 and more for a vial of sperm. As for where to sell it, look online. As much as Christian's don't want to hear it, human sperm is worth far less than bull or horse sperm.

  1. John P Maher's Avatar John P Maher

    TRUTHFULLY U L C SHOULD LEAVE LEAVE the DUMB STUPID NEWs to FOX tv !

    1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

      All kidding aside Mr. Maher, it didn't seem literate of you to repeat the word "LEAVE" in your above post.

  1. Nicholas J Page's Avatar Nicholas J Page

    Leave it out This so called Bishop should have been defrocked when this story came about No minister should be involved in Satanism.

    1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

      I wouldn't be at all surprised if Xavier Novell never believed in Roman Catholicism, but had ulterior motives in becoming a priest, and working his way up through the ranks. Did I ever tell y'all that my all-time favorite movie was called Catch Me If You Can? Before they made that one it was The Sting. With a little BS here, and a little BS there, I think we'll make it. Long ago and far away, to make a long story short, even though I had already been an initiated Witch of the Old Religion of Wicca for several years, I was also a chapter president of a Christian Missionary group, for some reason. Not only that, but while on a national conference of that group, I met my soon to be girlfriend, who at the time was a psychology professor, who professed to be a Christian (even to me), but at home was deep into studying books about the Santeria, always tried to encourage me to do the same, and really seemed to get off to it. Ofcourse, we had our reasons, but mum's the word.[ What's the word, Gilligan? Mum's the word, Skipper. Mum's the word! ]

    2. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

      However Nicholas, some of our good fellow ULC ministers are Satanists, in good standing as much as iether one of us. Are you going against the ULC by saying that all ministers, which would include those of the ULC, should be defrocked? It seems they might not have seen this comment from this point of view when posting it. I wouldn't be surprised if it gets deleted, and you soon find yourself a defrocked minister. What goes around, comes around.

    3. William Dusenberry's Avatar William Dusenberry

      It’s interesting to read how many of my ULC brethren, find Satan’s use of pig semen offensive.

      While at the same time, these same brethren have never objected when this Roman Catholic Bishop engaged in cannibalism every time he gave “Holy Communion” to his flock.

      The question, for my ULC brethren to ponder: which is worse, actually eating a piece of Jesus; or, drinking a little bit of pig-serem?

      1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

        I'd rather drink Campbell's soup.

  1. Kurt Neuleuf's Avatar Kurt Neuleuf

    Seriously?? I have not has such a good belly laugh in years. A man finds love, finds a profession he is happy doing and lives life to the best of his ability. The church takes exception. Err please remind me What is the church supposed to be all about??

  1. David Arthur Lewis's Avatar David Arthur Lewis

    Sounds like a classic case of demonic possession.

    1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

      If so David, those demons sure do seem to know how to have a good time. Don't knock it until you try it.

    2. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

      David, it might interest you to know that there are ways in which you can choose which demons you are possessed by. You can even have a whole Legion of them, at once! Wouldn't that be quite a party! And you don't have to worry about poor attendance. They'll all stay attached to you, for the rest of your life. Sounds a little co-dependant though. Perhaps y'all can get therapy counseling for that. I bet Nicholas could recommend a good shrienk.

  1. Gerardo Salazar's Avatar Gerardo Salazar

    This post’s title is tabloid material and nothing else; I do believe you goofed this time and in all honesty you should remove it and pretend it never happened.

    1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

      Gerardo, when did you not read tabloid material on this blog? It's good enough for the rest of us. Maybe you should question your motives in being here.

    2. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

      Gerardo, we aren't the ones in charge here. We take whatever they give be us, and try to make the best of it. The ULC won't change anything to please you. They are trying to teach us acceptance, which is a spiritual trait, through which we will become better at ministering to others.

  1. Angel's Avatar Angel

    Though I thought this was alittle entertaining at first, let's tell it like it really is...He;s a priest, not allowed to have a lover, muchless a gay one. He falls in love, leaves the church and get's job, a gross one, but a job all the same. This doesn't make him possessed or even a pervert, so lay off the guy and let him be happy..

  1. Rev Mark D's Avatar Rev Mark D

    This probably means I've eaten some of that stuff in my chorizo. Maybe the Jews and Muslims are right, this is enough to put me off pork entirely, forbidden food. But the politician line was pretty good.

    1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

      I bet you've eaten a lot worse than that without knowing it, Mark.

  1. John D. Partin's Avatar John D. Partin

    Finally, after two thousand years, things have come full circle, and Christ's casting demons into a herd of pigs has been answered by demons casting something out of pigs back into the world! Actually, pig semen has been a commodity and service for a long time, but this was too good to pass up doing turnaround with Christ's action with the pigs and giving the world that back again!!

    1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

      I've heard that in some places possessed pig semen is quite a delicacy. Bottoms up!

  1. Paul Andrew Barker's Avatar Paul Andrew Barker

    The bishop must have been of message for sometime before he crossed the floor to be on the other side personally I cannot understand the reason for all the ritual that takes place in the Catholic church my fiance is ROMAN CATHOLIC but their is a group called catholic Christians who are still saying Christ's body and blood supernaturally change into the real body and blood it's no different than this waywood bishop selling pigs semon Christ died. We can have holy communion as a celebration not a blood feast all this bishop has decided he wants out. But the underlying truth is. He has wanted out for years at least he left without committing sex abuse on children . The woman he is with obviously floats his boat obviously the church didn't

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    That may be true of a lot of the stories they give us to discuss Gerardo, but I'm having the time of my life on this blog. I've survived a round here for a few years. The main thing to remember is not to take all these wierd stories too seriously. And don't take everything anyone says around here too seriously iether, and you'll have a really good time, and never a boring moment.

    1. Gerardo Salazar's Avatar Gerardo Salazar

      Comment removed by user.

    2. Gerardo Salazar's Avatar Gerardo Salazar

      Actually I find some of the postings very interesting and there is always the chance of learning something new; the only thing that I find insufferable is your continuous effort at being sarcastic, effort that I might say, has been a fruitless one . Grow up, stop pretending to be le enfant terrible of Religion, that you are not, and perhaps one day you’ll be able to write something interesting.

      1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

        Gerardo, I can see how someone like you could also find the National Enquirer interesting, and it won't ever tell you anything you don't want to hear. Just food for thought.

      2. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

        As if to say that you aren't the one who's being sarcastic now, Gerardo.

      3. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

        Don't get me wrong Gerardo, I also find such tabloid very interesting, and seek only to contribute to solutions to these silly subjects,which people are often adversely affected by. But that doesn't make them any less silly, or give us a reason to get all bent out of shape over them, by taking everything too seriously, and never making light of the situation, or the occasional mistakes and misgivings of our brethren. Lighten up, man! This is not a place to be critical. We're all in it together, not fighting against eachother, but trying to find solutions to these subjects, however silly they happen to be, in our own ways.

      4. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

        Gerardo, you sound like you're reaching out to me for help, and I'm glad I can be of service in ministering to you.

        1. Gerardo Salazar's Avatar Gerardo Salazar

          You see? Lots of words but no substance; if you allow me to paraphrase Shakespeare I would say that you possess a plentiful lack of wit. Don’t you agree?

          1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

            Gerardo, the only thing I can think of saying in response to your deplorable, and most irreverent responses to my brilliant, masterful sermons is " Out, out damn spot"! You aren't the only one around here who has studied Shakespeare. Go ahead and say it, for it seems most prominent on your mind: "Double bubble toil and trouble", for all you do is criticize, from your lofty throne, in your delusion of grandeur.

          2. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

            It sounds like Geràrdo is going to be one of the few ministers on this blog who I'm going to have to start ignoring, and no longer read his comments, for the good of the whole. This in not a place to criticize eachother, but a place to come together, and try to find solutions. I apologize for lowering myself by bickering . I will seek to not do so again. Thankyou.

            1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

              Gerardo really seems to think that quoting Shakespeare makes him seem intelligent. Personally, I'd rather teath you a quote by Milton "I'd rather rule in Hell than serve in Heaven"!

      5. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

        Did you know that this isn't a free for all, Geràrdo? The good moderators of the ULC only post what they think is appropriate, on this blog. And if they thought my comments were lacking substance, as you claim, they wouldn't get posted. However, as it stands, far more of of my comments have been posted than yours, and usually whenever I comment on a particular article that's being discussed anymore, I submit far more comments than than anyone else,which get posted. Therefore on this blog, with all your ridicule and criticism of my comments, don't have a leg to stand on.

        1. Gerardo Salazar's Avatar Gerardo Salazar

          Quantity does not equal quality, you know?

          In any case I’ll bid you adieu because, frankly, I’m bored.

          1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

            ...shitless, Gerardo! I know the feeling. But please, keep coming back. We must pick up where we left off some other time. Since I'm 1/16 French I could also wish you adieu, but since I'm also 1/16 Spanish through the same great grandmother, Guadalupe Tarbe, originally of Mina's Nuevas in Chihuahua I'll say Buenos Noches instead.

            1. Gerardo Salazar's Avatar Gerardo Salazar

              Buenas Noches is the proper way because noche - night is a feminine name.

              Have a good night then and no hard feeling from side.

          2. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

            And some people can't ever think of enough words to say,Gerardo, no matter how hard they try. Maybe they're just bored. They certainly aren't very enthusiastic, for some reason, like us long winded long winded mother...

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    Ehrman, I'm having too much of a good time with my dark imaginings to be distressed by them. And I'm not even possessed by a demon (as far as I can tell).

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    Don't worry Ehrman, I only compare myself with those who are lesser than me, which is absolutely nothing to ever become vain or bitter about.

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    Ehrman, I was only telling Douglas how much I'm willing to profit from. I can't get rid of all of it. I must first satisfy all those ladies who are always practically breaking down my door to get some. If anyone can handle more than that believe me, I'm not envious. All power to them!

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    Ehrman, I was only telling Douglas how much I'm willing to profit from. I can't get rid of all of it. I must first satisfy all those ladies who are always practically breaking down my door to get some. If anyone can handle more than that believe me, I'm not envious. All power to them!

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    Ehrman, you apparently didn't know anything about having an inner child, or you would have wholeheartedly embraced your youth, and nurtured it, instead of always surrendering it, and telling others to do likewise. In your next incarnation on this planet, if you don't revert to being a lower lifeform, you really need to rewrite the Desiderata, and you ought to use me for your guide.

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    Ehrman, I can see how you sought a high ideal in writing the Desiderata, but through your ignorance you missed the mark. Nevertheless, your ignorant babblings have helped many even less intelligent people, so for that you deserve a pat on the back, nevertheless.

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    I wonder what flugo thinks about all this blather.

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    Has anyone seen Lionheart? I bet he's got some we words of wisdom on this subject.

    1. Lionheart's Avatar Lionheart

      Here I am Carl. I actually read recently that human sperm from unvaccinated donors fetches a high price nowadays. 😳. Why would that be I wonder 🤔

      🦁❤️

      1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

        I don't know for sure Lionheart, but I'm still unvaccinated, and haven't caught covid-19 yet. I've never even had a flu shot, but haven't had the flu in going on twenty two years, and sixteen years before that. Maybe it means we're among the healthiest people on the planet, so we have the highest quality sperm.

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    I stayed up all night, writing all those glorious sermons, and I must have my morning coffee, before my nap. On second thought, I'll make it an espresso, add some whipped, and dunk a couple of biscottis, so I can stay up long enough to see what gets posted. Buon Giorno!

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    Believe it or not Paul, rituals are power invoking. And even the Catholics know that. I've even been known to enjoy attending some traditional midnight masses (especially gothic) for the power surge.

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    Paul, they should season that body & blood, after it becomes real, and cook it.

  1. Kurt Neuleuf's Avatar Kurt Neuleuf

    One would hope that none of the pigs are juvenile. If so How does the church handle that??Send in Female pigs?? Would the church been happier if the bishop became a criminal, assassin, psychotic, lawyer or the worst profession of all:- practising dishonesty cheating, backstabbing and self interest...A politician? I suppose he could always confess and ask for forgiveness for these professions Is not the Bishop attending to the needs of his congregation, albeit pigs? One wise book I once read, I quote," Judge not others lest ye be judged" Christians believe that St Peter will judge him to decide his eligibility to entre into heaven. Who has the authority to upstage St Peter? Does the pope?

  1. Joseph C. Richardson's Avatar Joseph C. Richardson

    I believe the word choice is correct here.... When all of us decided to join ULC we all had reasons. Lets face our choice to join was not questioned and a guide to purpose was not supplied. My path is clear to me. Let me repeat the words as the statement is somewhat timid.. MY PATH IS CLEAR TO ME... The word "path" is interchangeable with "choice". It is up to each individual to determine within themselves where there morals lie and the rules and limits to that choice. Mr. Novell left his faith so the title Bishop no longer applies. This is by his choice. He now harvests pig sperm and has relations with person known to be a writer of satanic subject. Again, "choice". I personally don't give two ***** to the wind what Mr. Novell does as it in no way advances My Path. Without judging I can say that Mr. Novell is a man who seems to lack a path that I would find honorable, but I wish him well. As far as whether his actions demonstrate demonism or Satanism is not the question. As I have chosen a path to reject those actions it is our responsibility, as we have chosen to be ordained to continue in our faith and continue to try to assist others in our goals of peace and beliefs in god including Mr. Novell who has chosen to leave that path.

  1. John Casillo's Avatar John Casillo

    "MAKIN BACON"......ARE YOU READY FOR THAT NEXT DOUBLE BACON BURGER?....Rev john

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    I would agree with that Ehrman, but this subject had to have been darkly imagined. And you can't even begin to imagine a rebuttal to that. Keep in mind that if the shoe fits, wear it. Just realize and accept that even you are capable of making a mistake. It won't hurt to practice a little humility.

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    Now that I have stated quotes from Macbeth and A Midsummer Nights Dream, the làst thing I will say this evening will be a quote from Romeo And Juliet, Geràrdo. However, it will not be directed to you, but my fellow ministers on this blog. "Parting is but such sweet sorrow, I shall bid goodnight 'til it be 'morrow"

  1. Carl Bernard Elfstrom's Avatar Carl Bernard Elfstrom

    You're right about that, Ehrman. It must have been a lucky guess. But I'd rather fight to the death than surrender. And even you would never believe how deep my shit can get, in my defense.

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